Hinterland

I was a little hesitant for the big commitment of time and money that Hinterland was demanding of me, but I wanted to be rid of my ailments and would do anything to make it happen. My thinking was that I would benefit from a holistic approach to learning yoga, from philosophy to practice, as well as cure my IBS through proper dieting and consulting with their Ayurvedic doctor. Hinterland advertised itself as having it all, a one stop shop for spiritual, mental, and physical healing. I set out at midday for the outskirts of Kochi, or should I say the hinterland of Kerala, and in a couple of hours I had made it. It was in a quiet peaceful setting, nestled in the lush vegetation and coconut trees that Kerala is famous for. I was timid to approach the space. In my mind the thought flashed, maybe I can just leave. But no. This will be good for me. As soon as I ventured in I was warmly greeted by smiling staff members telling me where I could put my bike and was escorted to a lovely room through a campus abundant in well-maintained flora and happy people lounging about in hammocks and such. The vibes were nice. I had tea and then joined the evening yoga session. It was my first time doing yoga in forever but thanks to my natural flexibility I didn’t look too foolish hanging out with the older ladies who have turned it into their post-natal personalities, and yes young mothers were the majority of the crowd attending this yoga retreat. Young mothers and me. Not a bad combination. We have a surprising amount in common. Later during dinner, which was incredibly delicious and healthy takes on traditional Kerala cuisine, I had my “consultation” with the Ayurvedic doctor. This is when disappointment creeped in. He immediately gaslit my intentions to have the full detox, which is called panchakarma and the thing I was expecting to receive as the website had made allusions to it, and told me I didn’t need it and clearly since I’ve cycled all this way I’m a fit young boy and my IBS is trivial and will easily be resolved by way of yoga and diet. Well, this made my heart sink. I really wanted panchakarma, with all it’s gross bloodletting and forced vomiting and enemas, I wanted to do something extreme and feel reborn and this schmuck wasn’t keen on delivering the goods, he was gatekeeping salvation. I already new at this instant I’d be cutting my stay here short. I decided to stay for a week since everything was so nice, and the owner Uni so accommodating, and the yoga sessions so wonderful, and get some of the benefit of this place. It was expensive though, and I’d be lying if I said that the numbers weren’t constantly playing in the back of my mind whenever I felt the pang of dissatisfaction. About $60 a day I was paying to be here. Which is great in some ways. That’s like a shitty hotel in the states, and here I’m getting 3 delicious healthy meals a day plus 2 intensive yoga sessions and a “philosophy” class to boot. I quoted philosophy because these courses were also sort of a bummer, repetitive and dull and vague all at once, it certainly didn’t inspire much newfound spiritual curiosity within me. What I learned in Dharamshala still reigned supreme, and Hindu Vedic philosophy felt like a confusing imitation of buddhism, even though chronologically I know it’s the other way around. At any rate, once I put the money stuff out of my head I really did enjoy Hinterland, and it was great value at the end of the day. The yoga sessions and food rejuvenated me and after just a couple of days my bowel movements were a thing of beauty. I also started getting super horny randomly. This wasn’t visually inspired by any of the mothers, it just seemed like some kind of hormonal compensation for several months of low libido which I assume were symptoms of withdrawal from my hair-loss medication phase. I was also taking a zinc supplement so this too may have contributed to my excessive horniness. It’s a shame I had no romantic connection at the yoga retreat as I would have excelled in bed that week. These are the stories I’ll tell my grandkids.

I loved chatting away with the moms during meals and the few young people that happened to be there as well. There was a particular mother of maybe 4 or 5 from Ohio that I especially loved. She reminded me of everything I liked about America. She was just a spunky lady with a cute Ohio accent. Self deprecating, good humor, well meaning and a sweet heart. She, like just about everyone else I talk to, is exhausted with her life in the states. She works some marketing job that she loathes, and is here for just a week, flying directly from Ohio and she’ll fly directly back. It’s so sadly American. I’ve met almost no one else in India who was just making a quick week trip here, but for Americans this is the norm. We don’t travel. We don’t get to. We’re the wealthiest people on Earth and most of us stay planted in our misery and never see the world, even though we talk about wanting to so much. And when we do see the world, what, it’s a weekend trip to Paris? A week in the Caribbean? Pathetic. Not enough time for anything of note. Maybe it’ll refresh us enough to be 10% more productive at work when we return. It’s a sore deal. Meanwhile Europeans with $3000 in their bank accounts are merrily trotting their way around the world. It’s surely a cultural difference. It feels like there’s always a fire under your ass in America. You really think you deserve time off? To do what? Be unproductive?! While your competition works? Ha! You fool. Have fun coming back. You’re sitting on some money? Invest it. Buy a house. Put it in your retirement account. You need to constantly buy into the system and do your best to make the money you have multiply. What I’m doing, letting it all stagnate in a bank account to fund my traveling, would be seen as foolish, short-sighted, and indulgent. My happiness is a quirky little by-product, nothing to be taken seriously, not a legitimate end. Anyway, I loved this lady because she had a good attitude about it all and made me feel proud to be American. Europeans love to hate on us but I think we produce a lot of high quality people. A lot of Europeans I meet are dull in comparison. But the Europeans are miserable too. I met some Germans and some Dutchies and some French people that are all unexcited about returning. The malaise is spreading. People are tired. Things are getting worse. When will the boiling point come? Will it be reform or revolution?

Anyway, Hinterland wasn’t too bad. I stayed for 7 days and really enjoyed pushing myself with the yoga. I know there’s no such thing as being “good” in yoga but I’m fucking good at yoga. Except for headstands. I tried my best to do it but my body just won’t allow it. This came to an embarrassing climax when, in a final desperate attempt, I lost balance and crashed feet first through the thin wall of the yoga shala. Everyone laughed about it and it was no worries, but it definitely put a damper on my headstand dreams. I made plans toward the end of the stay to head to the Sivananda Ashram where I’d continue practicing yoga and also receive my Panchakarma treatment. Bring it on.